Prevent the loss of someone you love.

 Oregon is a leader in at least one category, but its nothing to be proud of …..Suicide is the topic today. So if you are wanting a lighter reading experience , then you might want to read another day. During this holiday season, there are some people who will find depression overwhelming. This leads to suicide.

I have in the last year lost four people that were close to me , 2 from suicide. I have strong feelings about this topic. Having been diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago , I have battled bouts of severe depression. I have on 2 occasions tried to end my own life. Looking back at these decisions , I get very ashamed & angry with myself. With depression being the biggest factor in suicide rates , all I can do is keep on my medications & stay positive. Remembering what is important is crucial for fighting off the severe depression. I will urge anyone who is feeling like they need a way out & anyone who is contemplating suicide to call this # 1-800-273-8255. This is a confidential call & someone WILL help you.

Early this year (2010)my family lost a close member , to suicide. All I can keep thinking is that , how can someone follow through with that , having what he had going for himself. He was just making plans to return to school so he could provide for his very young son. It made me angry that he had left us to care for those he left behind. It enraged me that he had done this to MY family. To this day I have still not forgiven him. He left behind a son , who probably not even remember his father.

Which makes me wonder. Do these suicide victims think about these loved ones they are leaving behind , as they draw their last breaths? Do they realize , after it's too late , that they do not want to depart this world? Do they truly understand how loved & missed they will be when they are gone?

While depression is very easily treated , these rough economic times make it hard to keep our loved ones from feeling blue.

Just a few months ago I lost a very dear friend , who I never in a million years thought would take his own life. His story is a little different. I hadn't known this person for very long , but he was one of those people who leaves a very defined impression. I wont use names for other peoples privacy. Those who know me , know who I am talking about. This person was always happy , always laughing , and always surrounded by loved ones & friends. When I heard of his passing I was completely appalled! I actually didn't believe it until I went to his celebration of life. I kept waiting for him to turn the corner & ask “What are all of you crying about?” , as if it was a huge joke. Some of the things that were said at the celebration of life , have stuck with me. I had never known this person to have “dark” tendencies. All that any of his loved ones could conclude is that he was in an enormous amount of pain. We can guess all we want , but ultimately these questions will go unanswered.

I think a closure “ritual” is a wonderful way of casting the 'why' & 'what ifs' away. My husband & I went to the place where we had met our dear friend , which happened to be a spot on the river, to say our final goodbyes. As we approached the spot on the river , a rainbow appeared to both of us . Minutes later there were 2 rainbows right in the middle of the river , right on the spot where we used to hang out. I felt at that very moment , that my wonderful friend was okay , where ever he was.

I would like to conclude this entry with the reiteration of , if you feel like you are depressed , seek help. There are ways to make these feelings go away. Suicide is NOT your only option. Think about those who love you before you make any rash decisions. Something as simple as a phone call can save heartbreak & anguish for those you love and those who love you!

I'm sorry this hasn't been a more uplifting entry. I'm trying to write things that I am passionate about. I promise I will make some of you laugh at some point! I hope something stuck with you from this particular blog & I hope you all have a blessed day!